Hands of a Saint
by quaintlullabies
Summary: Jack and Kate can't make it work - Kate turns to an unlikely place and meets Sawyer in an unlikely situation. Jack can't let go - and neither can their pasts. Skate if you couldn't tell. Re-posted from a debunked Skate site. Uploaded by request.
1. Chapter 1

"I just can't do this anymore!" Kate spun around to turn her face away, trying so hard to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall down her face. This had been a long time coming. She was surprised that it had taken so long to boil to the surface.

She was systematically grabbed by the shoulders and spun around to face him. His deep eyes were searching hers, looking for something, anything to let him believe that this wasn't the end. That it wasn't true. That ithis/i wasn't it.

"Jack… I can't do this anymore. It's not working. We can't keep having this fight."

His face was emotionless, almost as if he didn't believe this was really happening. As if this was just another, bad alcohol induced nightmare.

"Kate, we can make this work. We can, I'll… I'll change…"

Kate just shook her head, looking to him as she brushed off his grasp on her arms. "We've tried this before Jack. Between your drinking and all that you do at the hospital, I barely see you. I have to make an appointment! You come home, start drinking and pass out on the couch. When's the last time you itouched/i me? When's the last time you even slept in the bed with me, Jack?"

Kate pushed past him, grabbing her bags on the way from him, hauling one up over her shoulder, her hand firmly gripping the handle of the other. Jack stepped in front of her and snatched the bag from her hand and dropped it on the floor behind her. He grabbed the top of her arms, squeezing until her hands went numb.

"You're not leaving me, Kate! You know what'll happen if you do. I'll tell them everything I know, Kate!" His breath smelled of alcohol and the look in his eyes made Kate almost shrink back away from him.

"Then tell 'em, Jack! Now get the hell off of me!" She shoved out of his grip as hard as she could, causing him to stumble backwards. She grabbed her bag and ran down the front steps, throwing her bags in the front seat and speeding off to her new apartment.

The short drive was nothing, it was entering her new apartment and looking around at the empty walls and the minimal furniture and it finally hit her. Weeks of preparation had finally come to a screeching finale. There hadn't been too much time. Just enough to have the utilities turned on, a couch and a bed delivered and to get her boxes moved little by little. Nothing big at first, but during the course of that day, she had had the rest of her things moved.

She plopped down on the couch and finally let herself cry. Four years of marriage, and this was the end of it. A couch, a bed and boxes.

Of course, this wasn't the end. There was always work the next day. That would be fun. As always…

When Kate woke up the next morning, she had a headache like she had been drinking for the last 24 hours. It took all her energy to get up and take a shower that morning. It literally hurt to move, she had been curled up on that couch all night, not moving, teetering somewhere on the edge of sleep.

She wrapped her long hair up on a towel and went to turn on the coffee pot, although, upon looking around, she realized that she didn't have one. She resisted the urge to burst into tears again. Instead, she just threw on her dark green scrubs and her sneakers and pulled her hair up in a lose ponytail. She sighed as she grabbed her coat and scarf and made the cold walk to the hospital.

Kate sighed as she pushed through the doors of the hospital and tried to plaster on a smile. She made her way right to the cafeteria to get some coffee and prayed to whatever God there was that she didn't run into Jack.

Maybe she should have gone to church more.

"Kate? Kate!" Jack had jumped out of line to a retreating Kate and put a hand on her shoulder. She looked around, hoping to not make a scene and pushed his arm off her shoulder.

"Jack. Let's not do this. Not now, not ever. You'll get the papers in the mail. Let's just try to keep it out of work, ok?" Jack stepped back, looking at her as if she had grown another head.

"Kate, why are you being like this? Why can't we just talk about it?" He was speaking through gritted teeth a kind of sad desperation in his eyes.

"I'm done talking about it, Jack. I got Kristin to scrub you in at 11:00, I don't think we had anything else together for the rest of the day. If there's anything else scheduled for the week, I'll find a replacement for that, too. I have to go, Jack."

Kate turned and walked away before she could hear his voice again. She didn't know when his voice went from soothing to irritating. From making her feel safe and loved to being the cause of her aggravation and anger. She was finding it harder and harder to be around him. The last couple of days had been almost unbearable.

He had been drinking and passing out as usual, yes, but when he was awake, he would act as if nothing had happened. As if everything was happy go lucky. And the fact that there was a light at the end of a tunnel made her even more restless.

She had to wait another week to get officially transferred to another part of the hospital, but she made damn sure she stayed out of the surgery suite. It was a bad idea to work with him to begin with.

Now it was a terrible idea.

She made her way to the terminally ill people. It was a tough place to be, but they always needed someone to talk to. She didn't mind. The people in here always treated her like their child. She was sweet to them, someone they could talk to, and for a while, they were like the parents she never had.

Not that she didn't have parents. They just weren't the ones that you bragged about. But she didn't have time to think about that. There were visits to make.

Two hours and six cups of coffee later, she finally had time to sit down and rest for a second. She took a seat outside of one of the rooms, head back against the wall, eyes, closed, hands wrapped around the warm cup she felt like she could fall asleep right –

"Excuse me, Miss?"

Those three little words in that deep Southern drawl caused Kate to groan audibly. She squinted at the light and opened one eye at a time, her eyes passed up the length of a tall, blonde haired, blue eyed man with a dimpled smile that made her glad she was sitting down.

She narrowed her eyes at him and tilted her head to the side. How long had she been out of it?

"Miss, uh…" He looked down at her name tag and met her eyes again. "…Sheppard. Is this Miss Chase's room?"

She furrowed her brow, looked down at her tag and looked back at him. "Huh? What? Yeah. There…" She motioned to the room behind her.

He nodded in her direction with a smile and passed by her into the room behind her.

She followed him with her eyes and wondered how it had gotten so warm in there.

Kate furrowed her brow and made her way over to the nurse's station. She leaned across the counter, with the other two women and didn't say a word. 'Cause they weren't necessary.

"Ever seen him here before?" Kate was asking, innocently.

"Nope."

The three women stood there for another second before dissipating back to their jobs. At least isomething/i there was worth watching out for in the hospital that day…


	2. Chapter 2

Kate stretched, looking at the time, suddenly glad that it was quitting time. She was tired, and the previous night's adventures were taking their toll on her. She grabbed her coat and bag from her locker slammed it shut, spinning on her heels to leave but, instead, slamming into Jack.

"Jack… listen… I really don't - "

Jack grabbed her by the tops of her arms and slammed her hard back into the lockers behind her.

"Kate, let's cut the bullshit and get you home, huh?" Kate squinted at the pain in her arms and shooting up the length of her back. She turned her head.

"Jack, please let me go… you've been drinking… you smell like - "

"Shut the fuck up, Kate!" He yanked her by the hair and began to drag her behind him, deaf to her protests of pain and anger. Her finger nails were biting into his hand as she attempted to free her long curls from his grip.

"Jack, please…" She was almost sobbing, begging for him to let her go. As awful as he had been over the last year or so, he had never gotten violent with her. This was a side of him that she had never seen, nor did she ever want to.

"I believe the lady, said 'please'. And I'm gonna have to ask you to let her go…"

Jack spun around, Kate's hair still in his hand, to the voice that was challenging him. It was Kate's mystery visitor from earlier.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jack's eyes narrowed as the man got closer to Jack, invading the safe security of his personal space.

"I don't really think it matters, but as it stands, my name is James. Now, I'm gonna ask you to let her go again, 'cos I'm feeling nice. Let her go."

Jack shoved her backwards and she hit the floor, losing her balance, with a groan. He stepped right up into James' face as if he was going to redirect his anger to him, and thought again when he saw the fire in the Southerner's eyes. He took a step back, turned and left.

He would have a hell of a time coming to grips with what he did when he sobered up the next morning.

Kate was sitting up, her hand in her curls, rubbing where Jack had just about pulled her hair from her scalp. James approached her and held out his hand to help her up. She took it and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

"Well, Ms. Sheppard. Fancy meeting you again…" His eyes passed over her little form trying not to smirk. As first impression went, hers was pretty mediocre.

However, as second ones went… well, wild hair and a flushed face, deep green eyes on fire, it was something. He felt a twinge of guilt about admiring how beautiful she was after what she had just been through.

She winced at him, trying to smile. It hurt.

"Thanks for being at the right place at the right time, uh… James?"

"No problem, Miss. Sheppard. And who was that? Friend of yours?"

She shook her head at him as she straightened herself out. "It's Kate. And that would be my future ex-husband. Mr. Sheppard."

"Ah. That would explain the how happy he was to see you."

Kate was pulling down her long locks as they fell over her shoulders and she attempted to pull them back into some semblance of order. She finally just tied it up in a bun at the back of her head and reached down to grab her bag.

James just stood there watching her. She was beautiful. The way her fingers separated the curls at her neck, the anger on her face. The way he could tell that she obviously wanted to chase Jack down and rake the snow covered streets with his bloody body. He was trying as hard as he could to not smile.

"Are you hurt?" He stepped closer to her, but didn't touch her. His eyes seemed to be passing over her with such a slow pace, Kate felt that he might know what she looked like without any clothes on. She felt a little chill as those sapphire hues passed over her long neck, then down her arms… searching for injury, of course.

"I think I'm fine." Kate whispered as she stepped away from him as if he had touched her. She bit into her bottom lip, wishing that this whole thing was over already. She wanted to run home. Run home and forget this had ever happened.

"Then we should get you to the police station, I reckon…"

Kate's head whipped up to meet his eyes. "No!" She knotted her brow. She realized that she had said that with a bit too much enthusiasm, and relaxed her face.

"No. I don't need to go to the police. I'm fine. I just - "

"He just gripped you up and would have done God knows what else if I wasn't there…you need to - "

"I'm fine, ok? It's complicated. Thanks for your help…" She eyed him up again with a soft smile before turning on her heels and making her way out the door.

James stood there with his arms folded across his chest as her small figure disappeared into the dark night. On that note he exited the building and made his own way home.

When Kate finally closed the door to her apartment, she slumped against it and slid down to the floor. She was sobbing before she reached her destination. Her phone had been ringing the entire walk home, and she knew who it was. And what he wanted. She finally answered the phone to Jack on the other end, apologetic and drunker then before.

"Kate? Just listen. I'm sorry… I didn't mean to - "

"Yeah, Jack. You never mean to. Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I just want you to leave me alone. Please."

Jack was helpless on the other end of the phone. All he could do was beg. Tell her how sorry he was. Beg her to meet him somewhere to talk. Beg her to come home. Beg, beg, beg. He just didn't understand that it was over.

That he was clinging to something that didn't exist any more. Something that might not have ever existed.

It was comfortable. It was what they called home. It was the life they were leading. But under the surface, they both knew it was much more sinister then that.

Hands were forced. People were threatened. Life like that wasn't real. It was only a matter of time. The good doctor would finally break. And he would take them both down if this continued the way it was going.

Kate was a mature 26. Before she hit the age of 18, she had lived a life harder then most people would live in their lifetime. She was ok with it. Someone people got a good hand from the start. She wasn't one of those people, so she made the best of what she had.

She had always been trouble, but nothing major. Until him. Wayne. Her father. Step father. Whatever.

She bit her tongue for years. She said nothing while he beat her mother and ruined both of their lives. But everyone had a breaking point. And Kate had finally found hers.

So she had planned out a way to take care of him. She didn't feel sorry about it. Even now, thinking back on it, she wasn't sorry. Sorry was something you felt when you did something wrong. Wayne wasn't wrong. Wayne wasn't a mistake. Sorry wasn't for him.

Sorry was for Jack, who had seen her hop on her bike and drive off just before their sorry excuse for a house exploded.

Sorry was for the friendship that she and Jack formed based on so many lies that there was no way it could work.

Sorry was for marrying a man that she wasn't ever in love with because he had a secret that she needed him to keep.

But sorry wouldn't be what she said when they finally caught her. She would never say sorry for that.

The more pressing problem would be what she would do when Jack finally realized that she wasn't coming back and finally went to the cops. Part of her wanted to pack up and run now.

But she was tired of running. Whatever would happen would happen. And whatever it was, she was ok with it. She couldn't keep living the life she had been living. She was surprised that she had lasted as long as she did.

She finally hung up on Jack, resolved that he wouldn't let her be for the night and suddenly very happy that he had no idea where she lived.

She turned the ringer off on her phone and took a long bath before getting into the bed and finally letting sleep take away the thoughts of Jack, Wayne and every other monumental mistake in her life.

7AM came entirely too early the next morning. The sun was seeping through the half open window, reminding Kate that she needed to get up and continue where she left off the previous day. Her head still hurt, but more than anything, it was the feeling of failure that pulled at her insides and make her want to turn over and go back to sleep. She wasn't looking forward to another run in with Jack. She had no idea what she would do to him if she got within an arm's reach of him. The thought of shoving him into one of the lockers like a high school bully brought a smirk to her face as she got up and went on her way.

Kate loved working in scrubs. It was like throwing on your favorite pair of PJs and a pair of sneakers and getting to work in them. She refused to buy ones with little animals or cartoon characters on them. It's not like she worked with children or anything.

She was, however, extremely curious about who James was visiting the previous day. Mother? Grandmother? Wife? For some reason, the last one made her wrinkle her brow. As she quietly made her way down the long hallway, she stopped in front of the room that James had entered the day prior and poked her head in. She saw a small little girl curled up in the bed, no older than 6 or 7, sleeping quietly, as the heart monitor beeped softly above her head.

Of all the things that Kate had faced in her life, she never could really resolve that there was a God that would allow someone so young, and so innocent and so full of life be subjected to so much pain and suffering. Kate slid into the room quietly and leaned against the wall for a moment before reaching over and looking at her chart. It read like a sad story with the inevitable end screeching to a slow, early and painful finale. She looked down at the little girl with such awe and respect that it almost made her eyes tear up. How could someone so young face such a horrible fate, and not just give up?

The girl's fragile frame pale skin and bald head made her look almost like a China doll with the faint light pushing through the heavy curtains of the room. She almost wanted to reach out and touch the side of her face.

"She's beautiful, ain' she?" Well, there was no mistaking that voice. Kate smiled to herself as she turned around to face her blonde rescuer, who was staring down at the child with as much awe and respect projected on his face as she had just a moment ago.

"Yes, she really is…" James finally pulled his eyes away from the child's sleeping form to meet Kate's.

James walked past Kate and lowered himself into the chair beside the bed of the shell of a girl they were both staring at. He reached out and brushed his hand across her cheek and when she stirred, he simply grabbed her little hand and watched her shift and fall back into sleep.

"How long…?" Kate couldn't even bring herself to finish the sentence.

"Not long at all. A couple of weeks, maybe." He was smiling, but there was no masking the sadness in his voice. He finally looked up at her taking her in her little form leaning against the wall, arms folded across her chest, hair brushing her jaw as she pouted looking down at the girl.

"So what are you doing here, Kate?" She looked down at him, tilting her head, taking him in.

"I work here." She looked confused.

"Yes, I figured out that much. Unless people who don't work here run around here dressed like that." He smirked up at her as the corners of her mouth turned up in a small smile.

"I dunno. Just thought I would come in and see who a super hero would be at a hospital visiting." She shrugged and pushed herself off the wall.

"I gotta get back to work. Since you're in the business of saving people, James, how 'bout you work a miracle here, huh?" She placed a hand on his shoulder as she turned to leave.

He nodded to her as she left. "Will do, Miss Kate." She had no idea.


	3. Chapter 3

"Kate!" Kate was mid-step when she turned around to see Claire running at her at full speed. Claire was a good friend of Kate's. In fact, it was Claire and her husband, Charlie, who help her move her things from Jack's apartment when she finally left.

Claire was one of the cutest women Kate had ever laid eyes on. She was small in frame, but what she lacked in height, she made up in character. She was feisty, and knew how to get her way. Never underestimate the little ones.

"Kate… I need your help. We're short staffed at the church tonight and I need someone to fill in. Please? PLUEEZE?"

Kate couldn't help but laugh. There was no way, in this life or any other, that she could ever tell her no. She had known Claire almost as long as she had been in New York and she was one of her closest friends.

"Uh…"

"Great! I'll see you at 6!"

Claire was off and down the hall before she got a chance to say anything else. She couldn't help but laugh. She had no idea believing that Claire would have forcibly made her come if she had said anything other than yes.

The rest of day had slipped by her faster then she had imagined. After a full day, she was exhausted, but had a promise to keep. True to her word, after a change of clothes (what do you wear to something like this?), she slipped on an old pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, slipping on her sneakers and coat on the way out the door, she was on her way, feeling better about herself already.

The scene in the church cafeteria was busier then she expected. There were, obviously, people off the street out of the cold on the city streets, but the place was packed with people willing to help. It almost broke her heart, how many people there were. She didn't have time to dwell on it. Claire snuck up behind her and draped her arm around Kate's shoulders.

"It's a lot to take in, huh?" Claire just smiled at her. "Well, you have two choices, Kate. You can either stand in here and make plates to hand out, putting you in line with a lot of other people, or you can stand outside of the doors and usher people in."

Kate looked to the small blonde with affection. She and Charlie didn't have much, but what they did, they shared. Two full times jobs and a child to raise, they found time to come here and take care of those less fortunate then themselves. The thought humbled and amazed her.

"Well, some has to stand out in the cold, huh?" Claire nodded to Kate and ushered her outside the where her post would be for the night.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Kate?" Kate pulled her coat closer around herself and pulled her mittens on her hands. She felt like a little child all wrapped up against the cold. Claire reached up and wrapped Kate's scarf around her neck and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be right inside if you need me, Kate."

All Kate could do was nod at her. The cold was already stealing through her bones, but it was a welcome refreshment.

It was quite sometime that Kate stood out there, in front of the church. Or it could have been five minutes. After standing out in the cold for that long, the wind attached it's self to her bones to the point that she was numb. She didn't mind, though. The more people that she ushered in, the more people that were going to have a warm meal that night.

She was freezing, but loving it. It made her feel good. Made her think about how small her problems were. It didn't make it hurt any less, but it made her thankful for all the things that she did have. She smiled against the chill as someone approached her from behind and tapped her on the shoulder. She spun with the directions into the church on her lips and stopped as her eyes fell on the top button of someone's navy blue coat. Her eyes made their way up over a sharp chin covered in stubble, a cocky grin and blue eyes that were bright from the winter cold. His long blonde locks were tucked into his scarf.

Kate couldn't help but smile to herself and take a step back. He towered almost a good foot over her head, and taking him in from where she was, he was more beautiful then her initial appraisal of him was.

"Well, Miss Kate. We meet again." His voice was low, heady and peppered with that thick Southern accent. It was almost intoxicating, seeping into her ears, warming her immediately.

"I guess we do, James." She arched a brow at him. "What are you doing here?"

He laughed low in his throat. "I work here."

"Oh…" She didn't have time to dwell on it too much as there was a steaming cup of something being shoved in her direction. She just looked at it like it was going to jump up and bite her.

He cocked a brow at her, the smile never leaving his face. "I'm not trying to poison you, I promise. Claire sent me out here to check on you. It's perfectly safe, unless you're allergic to chocolate. Cos then I wouldn't drink it…"

Now it was Kate's turn to laugh out loud. She pulled off her mittens and took the cup from him. "I'm sorry. The cold must be freezing my brain or something."

He nodded. "You can go back inside if you want; I can take it from here…" He silently looked her over, his eyes gliding over her softly. She was beautiful, shivering a little, her dark red coat wrapped around her, pulling the coco up to her full lips with a smile. Her long, dark locks were tied at the nape of her neck, which was mostly covered by a scarf with the exception of a few errant strands that whipped across her face in the wind. Her eyes were bright against the background of her milky skin and rosy freckled cheeks. She was beautiful, no doubt.

"Actually, I'm enjoying myself out here. It's… comforting…" She took another sip of her coco with a smile. "But thanks for rescuing me with not poisoned coco." She grinned at him and her face lit up. She could melt the snow on the street with that smile if she wanted.

He came to stand next to her and tucked his free hand into his coat pocket. "Well, I'm gonna stand out here with ya, cos if I go back in there and get in the way again, Claire's gonna use all 25 pounds of herself to beat me all over the cafeteria." He smiled looking straight ahead, watching the cabs drive down the street. Kate could make out the deep set dimple in his cheek and almost sighed audibly. Did men get better looking then this?

"Small but deadly, that one is." Kate took up his activity, glancing across the snow covered street.

"So, Kate. I've never seen you here before. What's your story? Why you here… other than stalking me, or Shortcake in there probably threatening your life?"

"She said there was a shortage of people and asked me if I would come out and help…" She tilted her head, watching the flurries hit the ground blanketing the streets with white.

"And by 'asked', you mean she told you you were coming?"

She turned to look at him. "Yeah, pretty much." She grinned before taking another sip of the drink.

"So how are you? I mean, after last night…? Did you reconsider going to the cops?" He was genuinely concerned. What he saw last night he had seen a million times before. It always ended badly.

She looked back out over the street, wondering what the point would be to unloading all that on him. She opened her mouth and though again about it. No, there was no point bringing up all that right now. She didn't even know this man. "So, how long have you known Claire?"

He didn't miss a beat. She didn't want to talk about it; she didn't want to talk about it. "I've known Claire for about a year now. I've known Charlie for a long time. We've been involved in this church for a long time."

Kate nodded, hearing the words he said, but notireally/i listening. She was back to focusing on the shambles that her life was in.

It had been hard the last couple of months. She felt like her life was going on without her. Like she was a spectator and all she could do was watch as things fell into place. She brought the still steaming cup to her lips and focused on the warm liquid pouring down her throat.

Her head was all over the place. It didn't occur to her how rude she was being until James gently placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered her name in her ear.

"Kate? You here? Back on Earth with the living?"

He could smell her hair mixed with the scent of coca and the snowy breeze. It was unique and something that would stay with him forever.

"Kate?" She turned around to look at him, his gloved hand still resting on her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. I got lost in my own little world there for a moment."

"Yeah, I noticed." He regarded her with a sad smile. "Listen. We're almost done here.

You wanna get some coffee or something? We can talk. Or not talk. Or stare off into space for a while…"

She didn't say anything for a while, she just looked at him. She didn't know if she wanted to do anything but go home and crash on her couch. Deciding that it probably wasn't the best idea to go home and be miserable, she finally smiled up at him sadly.

"Sure. Coffee would be good." He nodded with a return smile and motioned for her to follow him back inside.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time everyone had gotten cleaned up, it was pretty late. Kate knew it was going to be a little late for coffee, and for the life of her, couldn't figure out why she was so disappointed. James had kept sneaking glances at her over the course of the night, giving her that wicked dimpled grin that warmed her right through her coat and scarf.

Kate shook it off most of the night, but when he approached her as they turned off the light, she couldn't avoid his gaze anymore.

"Listen, Kate…we're gonna have to take a rain check on the coffee thing." Kate nodded up at him with a small smile.

"Yeah, I figured." Kate pushed an errant curl from her face with the back of her hand.

"We can do it some other time." Kate was trying to hide the disappointment in her voice as he nodded and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah. Listen… you ever need to talk or anything…" It was lame, he knew, but he meant it. He wouldn't mind looking at her for a while as she unloaded whatever it was that was keeping her smiled from reaching those beautiful green eyes of hers.

"I gotta go. It's pretty late." She gave him a small smile and turned to leave, allowing his touch to linger on her shoulder for a minute before walking away.

_

Twenty minutes later, she was still waiting on the corner trying the hail a cab. James was locking the doors on the place when he saw her standing there in the falling snow and dim street light and couldn't help but smile. There was something about the silhouette that she was casting that made his heart beat a little faster.

"You know, a rain check meant sometime in the near future, but not this near." He grinned as she turned around, startled. He watched the blush rise to her already red cheeks.

"Yeah, well. Us stalkers are through." He closed the distance between the two of them.

"You live far from here?"

"No, but it's not really a good idea to walk home alone at this hour, so I'm just going to hail a cab."

"You're doing a great job, I see. Tell ya what… I'll walk you to your door; make sure you get home ok. Sound good?"

Kate looked at him for a second, unsure of what he was saying. Yeah, she thought he was good looking, but wow this was moving a little fast, huh? James, as if reading her thoughts, raised his hands surrendering any tough guy façade he may have implied.

"iJust/i walk you home. No funny business, darlin', I promise." He grinned, those dimples hinting that he may have tried that line before. Kate just smiled. Why was she being so damned paranoid?

"Ok. Sure. Thanks." She spun on her heels, making a crunch on the freshly fallen snow, taking a second to glance over the new blanket that had coated the streets and buildings. New York could be so pretty sometimes.

James stepped to her side and motioned for her to move forward and he kept pace right next to her. It would take a block or two for either of them to say anything. It was finally Kate that blurted out:

"I'm getting divorced from my college sweetheart because he's an alcoholic and a workaholic and I'm 26 years old and I'm starting all over and it really fucking sucks."

James didn't say anything for a few beats. He let the words sink into his head before he stopped and turned to her.

"I know this sounds like a rehearsed line from someone you must think is trying to get into your pants, but trust me. It'll get better. I know from experience. The hardest part of starting over is the first part."

The look in his eyes put Kate right at ease. She believed him. He had no reason to lie to her. Except for, maybe, the getting into her pants part.

"You were in a relationship with someone that hurt you…?"

"You could say that. It's complicated. There were a lot of things that happened. And things that needed to change. And at some point, I had to make a decision and start over." He tilted his head as he watched the look on her face lighten again.

"I guess we have a lot in common, huh?"

He just nodded. "Yeah. I guess we do."

The conversation was lighthearted the rest of the way home. What's your favorite color, what music do you listen to, where did you grow up (or, on Kate's mind, where the hell did you get that hot ass accent…).

Before they knew it, they were standing outside of her door.

"Thanks for getting me home." She smiled at him, not knowing if she should invite him up or not. She wanted to, of course, but something was holding her back.

"Well, it's the gentlemanly thing to do; my mother would be very upset to know that I did any differently."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. Kate's body reacted on it's own from there. Before she knew it she had her arms wrapped around him, hugging him and he was returning the gesture.

After what seemed like an eternity, she pulled back looking up at him.

"Thanks for listening to me, James. It really meant a lot."

She lifted her chin, letting him know that she wanted more. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to feel the cold on his lips. He simply pulled back, reading the signs and placed a small kiss on her forehead.

"Not a problem. I'm at the church a lot if you ever want to talk again." He smiled. "See you around, Freckles."

She laughed. "Freckles?"

"Yeah…" He removed his hand and traced his finger across the bridge of her nose where most of the little spots lived. "Freckles."

He withdrew his hand, painfully aware of the heat that radiated from his finger through out his entire body from that one little touch. He turned and left.

Kate waved, wondering what the hell had just happened. She watched his form disappear into the night, spun on her heels and made her way upstairs. To bed.

Kate debated the next day if she was going to go back to the church. There were no meals for the homeless that night, so she could just go and talk, maybe make good on that coffee thing. After work, she went home and changed, throwing on one of her tight sweaters and jeans and her boots and made her way back to the church, hoping he was there.

She refused to call and see if he was there. That, to her, seemed a little too desperate. She walked into the church to see there was mass going on, so she sat in the back, waiting for it to end. She hadn't been to church in years. This one was beautiful. The high ceilings, with their beautifully carved marble angels, stained glass windows. Even the confessional booths looked beautiful. The were huge, red velvet drapes to hide you and your sins away from the real world. She stood to go over there and look at them.

It was something that Kate had always been interested in. How you could walk into a room, talk to a priest and tell them all the horrible things that you've done, and with a wave of their hand and a few prayers later, you were saved again. Free to go out and make all those mistakes again, only to be able to come back again and have them removed again.

A priest walked up behind her while she was examining the structure.

"Child, the priest in there is about to leave, if you're going to give confession today, you'd better do it now, my love."

Kate spun around to face the man with a small smile. She was instantly transported back to high school. All she was missing was the knee socks.

"Thank you, Father." Kate stood there for a while and decided to finally go in. She had some time to kill before the mass was over, so why not. She slid into the large booth looking around. It was beautiful. Much larger than anything she had ever seen. She didn't have time to think about it as the window opened.

Kate blessed herself and sighed. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."

"Yes, and how long has it been since your last confession?"

"About 10 years…"

"Tell me about you sins, child."

"Well, Father. I'm getting divorced. I have left my husband during his time of need, because I can't take it any more. And last night, I had indecent thoughts about a man, and, if given the opportunity, I may have …umm.. fornicated with him."

"You're still married, Child. That would have been adultery, which is a very bad sin."

"Yes, Father I understand."

"For your sins, you must pray the Our Father and the Hail Mary 4 times each. And you must talk to your husband and work it out. Our Lord does not look down kindly on divorce."

"Thank you Father."

Hearing the words 'work it out' and 'divorce' made her head spin, she took moment to gather herself and leave the confessional. When she finally stepped out, the priest that had just given her absolution was stepping out of his booth as well. He turned around to face her and Kate's mouth dropped open.

Her eyes looked wild at him as he approached her. Her jaw was on the floor. "Holy fucking shit, you're a priest?" James outright laughed while he pushed her towards the exit of the church. Out of sight and sound of the parishioners still in mass.

"You know, Freckles. You're supposed to do _better_ when you leave confessional. Cussing up a storm in the middle of church isn't really the best way to go about it. You probably need to march yourself right back in there."

James cocked a brow at her as she just stood there speechless.

She blinked. Quite a few times. There were a million thoughts going through her head right now and all she could do was stand there and look at him. And after what she was thinking the night before… good Lord, she was going to hell.

He grinned at her obvious discomfort and pointed for her to exit the church, profanity and all. She did like she was told. Of all the crap going on in her life right now, this had sent her completely for a loop.

She had just given him her confession – _about him_!

When the wind finally hit her face, she snapped back into reality for a moment, and watched as he leaned against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest watching her. His sapphire eyes were twinkling while she tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Listen, I… uh…" She was really at a loss for words and her brain really wasn't prepared to deal with a situation like this. Was anyone's? James just looked at her, letting it all sink in. After a few minutes, he pushed himself off the wall and pointed to a little café across the street.

"I get done here in 10 minutes. I'll meet you there. You ok?" The smile never left his face, mean or not, this was way too fun. Kate just nodded and spun on her heels and made her way over there. No good-bye, nothing. Just her brain taking over in auto-pilot. 


	5. Chapter 5

He grinned at her obvious discomfort and pointed for her to exit the church, profanity and all. She did like she was told. Of all the crap going on in her life right now, this had sent her completely for a loop.

She had just given him her confession – _about him_!

When the wind finally hit her face, she snapped back into reality for a moment, and watched as he leaned against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest watching her. His sapphire eyes were twinkling while she tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Listen, I… uh…" She was really at a loss for words and her brain really wasn't prepared to deal with a situation like this. Was anyone's? James just looked at her, letting it all sink in. After a few minutes, he pushed himself off the wall and pointed to a little café across the street.

"I get done here in 10 minutes. I'll meet you there. You ok?" The smile never left his face, mean or not, this was way too fun. Kate just nodded and spun on her heels and made her way over there. No good-bye, nothing. Just her brain taking over in auto-pilot.  
When Kate finally made her way over to the café, she just sat there for a minute, thinking maybe there were hidden cameras around and she was on T.V. At least that would be a logical explanation.

Kate ordered an espresso and a black coffee hoping to wake her up, and true to his word, James marched over to her table and sat down across from her 10 minutes later.

It took a minute, but Kate finally spoke up. "So… should I call you 'Father'?"

"Did I tell you to call me 'Father'?" He unzipped his coat and peeled it off, folding it across the back of his chair, face flushed from the cold outside.

"No."

"Well then, don't call me that." He smiled one helluva grin at her before he caught the barista and ordered something to drink.

"So, you're a priest."

"It would appear that way, darlin'. Yes."

"And you didn't mention this last night."

"Would it have changed anything if I did?"

"Yes!" She thought back to that booth and telling _him_ that she thought about doing all sorts of things with _him_. There had to be some big Catholic rule about that one.

"And what would it have changed, Freckles? The you wantin' me to kiss you last night part, or the confession part? Cause I didn't know that was you on the other side until you walked out. That's a promise."

Kate just looked at him. "Who said I wanted you to kiss me last night?"

He laughed for a minute and leaned forward across the table, closer to her, his eyes quite dark with mischief. "You know, I wasn't ialways/i a priest. There was a point in time where I could have made you do anything I wanted last night… so yeah, you wanted me to kiss you. Trust me, I could tell."

The flush to Kate's cheeks was immediate. He could have said anything to her right then, and she would have jumped him right there in the café.

He leaned back with a grin. "But that was a completely different time. Another life even. That's not me anymore. At least, I try not to make it me anymore. That's the whole point to startin' over, no?"

"Oh, you're going to have to explain that statement. What would make a good looking man like you, I'd guess around 39 - "

"37." He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, 37, give up whatever life he had to become a priest? Because really, I'm having a really hard time accepting that you just woke up one morning and decided to do that."

"That's because I didn't. Listen, back in Alabama, I did some pretty awful things. Then, I realized that if I kept going, I was going to end up in jail – again – or dead. You make changes, Freckles. You find ways to survive."

"You were in jail? For what?"

His eyes narrowed at her for a moment. "Conning women. I would get them all lovey-dovey with me, sleep with 'em, make 'em think they were the only thing in the world to me. Then, I would steal their husband's money and leave. Easy as pie. 'Till I got caught." He shrugged, like it was an everyday job he held.

Kate's eyes widened at him, her jaw on the table.

"Hey – you asked." He smiled and nodded as his drink was brought over to the table and he brought the scolding liquid to his lips.

"Don't you miss…?" She couldn't believe she was having this conversation with a priest.

"What, Freckles? The connin' or the bedin'?" He watched her squirm in her seat. "Yeah, I miss it. Everyday."

He looked over her pretty face again, over the last 24 hours, he was missing it every second.

"You don't act like a priest."

He just smiled. "And how is a priest supposed to act, darlin'?" He asked with the sweetest tone in his voice. As if he was daring her to answer that question.

She opened her mouth to say something, but her phone rang and she scrambled to get it. She groaned as she looked down at the caller ID.

"Yes, Jack?" She frowned and sucked in her bottom lip, brow furrowed. "Jack, I don't want anything other than this to be over… then just sign the papers and be finished with it… it's not going to happen, Jack. I want this to be over. I gotta go."

She closed the phone and shoved it into her pocket, finally looking up to James again and shrugged.

James tiled his head at her with a sad smile. "So what's going on with you and this Jack guy, anyway?"

It took Kate a moment before she answered. It wasn't something that she wanted to dwell on, but after hearing about James-the-great-former-con-man-turned-priest, she felt she owed it to him.

"I met Jack at a really crazy point in my life. It was one of those situations that life threw at you. We got closer and I think I was in love with him, but now, looking back, I'm not really sure anymore. Anyway. At some point he asked me to marry him, and I did, because it seemed like the right thing to do. He was there for me and it was the least I could do. God, I sound awful…"

"No… really. You don't. It sounds like you cared for him a lot."

"I think 'cared for' is the right term. It was ok for a while, but then he started drinking. He was spending a lot of time at the hospital, and the only time I ever saw him was when I was working with him. Even then, he was reserved and hardly talked to me. He would come home, drunk and pass out on the couch and I wouldn't see him again until he was at work the next morning."

She took a minute to pause and take another sip of her drink. "We talked about him changing, about doing things differently, and he would for a couple of weeks, but then it was back to the same thing." She sighed. "It's like he couldn't help himself. When I found the pill bottles he was hiding from me that was the last straw…"

He silently regarded her for a moment, just watching all the expressions change on her face.

"You know, there are some people that would say that this is the time when he needs you most. That this is the time that when you should stick by him."

Kate just looked at him. "And at what cost? I was going crazy. You said it yourself. Sometimes you have to just survive…"

He just nodded in agreement and stood. "Come on, Miss Kate. Let's get you home." She stood and followed him out the door, wrapping her scarf around her neck, watching him cover up his white collar with his. She had always heard that the good ones were married or gay… but a priest? What a damn waste.

There was a connection with the two of them, and they both felt it. It was as if they had known each other for years. Like two old friends meeting up for coffee after a long time apart.

James just watched her as she laughed, talking to him. She was dangerous. Like, give up your life and start over dangerous. But he couldn't do that, and he knew it. All he wanted to do was touch her, to show her that he was feeling the same thing she was feeling. But he couldn't. Because his life depended on him not feeling it. She was possessing him, and all he had to do was walk away, but something was stopping him. Something he had never felt before, and it scared him.

They were at her door again, and this time, it was him having trouble walking away. It was taking all his self control not to grab her and take her upstairs and do all the things he had thought about doing to her over the last few hours. She was so innocent and the last thing he wanted to do was drag her down with him in whatever downward spiral he was going.

He tiled his head, looking to her. She smiled and motioned towards her door. "I guess I should be going…"

"Yeah, cause you're doing it again…"

Now it was her turn to look confused. "Doing what again?"

"Making that face again. Like you want me to kiss you..."

She shivered. "Sorry. I can't help it… I do want you to…" She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, suddenly aware that he was standing in front of her apartment, and she wanted him to follow her up there. She wanted him to break all the promises he made to himself and God and follow her up there. "You could come up if you wanted…"

He smiled slowly, dimples pressing through his stubbled cheeks and raked her over with his eyes. Yeah, he wanted…

"No, I really can't Freckles…"

"Why not?" She knew the answer, but maybe, if it came from him, it would make it easier.

He was on her faster then she could register. Her back was against the wall, he had pinned her there, his left palm flat on the brick behind her above her shoulder, his right hand mimicking his other, only pressed beside her hip. He was leaning into her, though not touching her. God, that would be too much and neither of them could control themselves from there.

Their breathing quickened, and was visible every time they exhaled, their breath carried in white on the winter wind. He leaned his face into her as she tilted her head to the side in anticipation. He still wouldn't touch her. He couldn't, but he was so close, and inch or two and his lips would feel the warmth of her neck. He whispered so softly on her ear that it gave her goose bumps all over.

"Because, if I go up there with you, the temptation to touch every part of your naked body with mine would be almost too much for me to control. And trust me; the temptation is very, very strong."

He pulled back after a long pause to look her directly in the eyes, removing his hand from above her shoulder to cup the side of her face, his thumb tracing the outline of her bottom lip. His eyes were dark, full of lust, and projected every dirty thing he wanted to do to her.

"…and you see, Freckles, that's a very serious problem." She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. His hand was so warm against her cold face, it was almost unnatural.

Her legs were weak, and they would give out at any second if he didn't touch her or move out of her way. She was a woman possessed, dabbling in things that burned beneath the surface of them both and things that she couldn't possibly know about, but she didn't care. She opened her eyes and looked at him again.

"It's only a serious problem if you can't keep a secret…"

He smirked at her, as the possibilities raked through his head. He had been so good for so long, and she was pushing him to throw that all away, and if he didn't stop, he would.

He was practically growling at her, on the brink of losing the last bit of self control he had left in him.

"Oh, I'm ivery/i good at keeping secrets, Freckles. That's one of the problems. What happens after tonight? When I leave and go back to the church tomorrow? What then?" He couldn't believe he was talking himself out of this. God, when had he gone so soft?

"I… I don't know…" She shook her head, at this point, not really caring what happened. All she wanted was right now. She moved from against the wall, resigning herself to defeat, but he didn't move.

He pushed her back up against the wall, moving his body onto hers, running his hands up her torso to finally tangle themselves in her long curls. He sighed audibly before he brushed his lips against hers, allowing himself to take in the feeling her against him. They were still looking at each other, both afraid to move, to break this moment. He pressed his lips against hers softly, and felt her body relax into his. She closed her eyes and he followed, parting her lips with his tongue, going so incredibly slow that Kate thought she would die on the spot.

They both inhaled as she opened up and let him in, running his tongue across hers, drawing her in to follow him as he sucked against her. His tongue traced along her bottom lip, the one he had thought about possessing since the first time he had saw her, and finally drew it between his teeth lightly, sucking at it before he finally pulled away.

Kate was having trouble with gravity. She knew she was standing, but she couldn't feel her legs. She was still pressed against the wall, and thank God for that, because it was the only thing keeping her balance, that and his hands still with their grip in her hair.

James opened his eyes to look at her. Her face was so flushed, her eyes still closed, face still turned up at him. Her lips were so full and still so warm, he could feel the heat radiating off them. He smiled. She was perfect. And trouble.

When she finally opened her eyes, the normally light green irises had darkened dramatically, pupils dilated, looking to him through lazy lids and heavy lashes with anticipation of his next move.

It wasn't one she expected. He moved away from her as if he had been scolded, the weight of what had just happened and what could potentially happen in seconds bearing down on him like a ton of bricks.

"I gotta go, Freckles." His voice was low and husky, sending chills down her spine. She said nothing, too in shock to will her voice to work.

She didn't have time to protest. He turned and left, the feeling of her in his arms still painfully clear all over his body.

Kate stood there, for the second time in as many nights, wondering what the hell had just happened.


End file.
